Turning 29

When I turned 27 I had a huge problem with it. Why? I dunno. Maybe it was the beginning of the end of my 20s. Maybe cause I still wanted another child and I didn't know if it was going to happen. Maybe it was just too close to 30 and I didn't like it. But now as I look ahead to my 29th birthday on Sunday, I'm really good with being 29. I've had some really crappy shit going on lately, and I realize that age is just a number. And I know that I'm a strong woman. I will be ok. Here are just a few of the things that I have learned. In order of importance:

1: Family is the most important thing. THE MOST IMPORTANT THING! And I don't mean it in the "call you once a week" or "take for granted you'll be there in the morning" way. Although those are all important too. I mean hold on tight. Hold on real tight to all of them. Cause you too can be taking your child for an MRI on a Thurday afternoon in July. And you will remember every time you yelled when you could have spoken, spanked when a time out would have done the job, and didn't give that hug cause the baby was crying. All normal by the way. And I take my family for granted every day. I'm trying real hard to stop.

2: I cannot control everything. Oh you mean that was obvious? Cause that has been one shitty lesson I have had to learn time and time again. And I'm sure I'll have to relearn it. But as for now, I'm giving it all up to whatever presence is in control of my universe. Cause I'm just fucking exhausted.

3: I have really great friends. And I didn't even know it. I have friends now that I wouldn't have thought in high school I would be friends with (you know who you are), friends I have made in the past year or so, and friends I have loved for what seems like a lifetime. You never know what your friends are capable of until you ask. Ask them. They will deliver. They long to deliver.

4: I love to cook. Making baby food for 3 kids had killed that love. But I'm starting to remember that I love it. I need new recipes. Hit me up.

5: Someone asked me today what I loved to do before I had kids. I couldn't remember. I find this sad. I remembered liking to scrapbook and go to the beach. Thats all I had. This is a sad state of affairs folks. I hope that by the time I turn 30 I can answer that question with the byline that I'm currently involved in that activity. This is important.

6: I'm good at saying I'm sorry. I'm not always good at meaning it. I'm learning to say nothing if I don't mean it. Feelings can still be validated without an apology. So cut it out. Only say your sorry when you mean it. Otherwise the times you do don't really count...

7: The grass in not greener. EVER. It's just different. You don't like your job? You didn't like your last job? Or the one before that? The problem is you. When you can look around a room and honestly feel like everyone else is an asshole, stop, look in the mirror, cause the asshole is you. This applies to all aspects of your life. Man I hate those days. Cause then I have to refer to #6. And when you go to greener pastures, your just gonna want the old problems, cause at least then you knew how to solve them.

8: Take time for yourself. Otherwise you can lose yourself.

9: I always need to be kissed goodnight. If I'm alone, well, I guess I'm screwed. But husband, kid, friend, family, kiss me goodnight. My mommy started it when I was an infant. Now I'm screwed....

10: I have everything I've ever wanted in life. And I'm lucky to notice this, acknowlegde this, and fight like hell to keep it.

Bring on 29. 29 is my bitch.