The mother

So I mentioned in a previous post about how my mother told me I was a bad daughter. In all actuality she told me that I don't call her enough or come visit her ever. I had told her I would come visit once a month. But our schedules didn't match up and I pretty much forgot a few weeks into it. Not on purpose. But because my life is INSANE! And instead of reminding me or maybe taking it upon herself to schedule some time she called me up, told me I suck and then didn't let me respond. Classic Jill behavior. Little did she know that I'm through being treated like a fucking dishrag. No one gets to decide that they can tell me I suck, not let me respond to the accusation, and then blow my kids off. The kids part is where I draw the line.

You see, that very weekend was the Yale Christmas party. She was supposed to take my 3 kids over night so Chris and I could have a night away. Well I suck so badly she had to retract her offer. On the Monday before the party. Luckily my mother in law picked up Jills slack and watched them for us. She also watches one or two of our kids twice a week which is why she want the go to parent to begin with.

Anyhow, the reason Jill even gets the blog today is because she told Alyssa during Christmas break she could sleep over her house a couple nights. Needless to say she totally bailed on that promise. Alyssa's five. She didn't exactly forget. She asked about nana a lot but never asked about sleeping over there. My mother saw her last weekend to exchange Christmas gifts and told her again that her next vacation she could sleep there. She's lucky I didn't hear it. I would have called her out on it immediately.

Jill texted me Friday night asking if she could have the girls overnight sometime soon. I responded that for the time being I'm going to have to say no. That I'm not ok with her blowing Alyssa off. That my kids aren't to be used to punish me nor are they just to be seen when it's convenient for her. So far I've had no response from her. I couldn't care less.

What is bothering me? I know my kids want to see her. That's the only reason she got to see them at all for gift exchange. I'm conflicted. Am I punishing her for blowing my kid off? Maybe. But I really think I'm protecting her from further nana disappointment. Where does it end? I don't know. If they ask for her maybe I'll take the time to text her they want to see her. I guess her reaction will set the tone for how we will proceed from here. I don't know. But the part that hurts the most isn't about her and I. I've learned in the past six months that I've been waiting for her to do this to me. That she always turns into bad mommy. She has my whole life. It's just in a different way this time.

I'm really bothered by how this effects my kids. They love her. They want to spend time with her. I don't know what to do here....